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Kalley Ann was 8, in fourth grade and friends with the coolest group in her school. She, Kim, Jeannie and Jody did everything together. An effort that was made easy since they were in the same class together, and basically spent all seven hours at school joined to each other's hips. In class they sat at desks next to each other, lunch at the same table and recess doing whatever single activity they had all agreed on. It was just an average Tuesday, and they were headed to math. Kalley Ann positioned herself close to Jody, who she liked sitting next to at the math table they shared. Jody was actually worse at math than Kalley Ann, which is not something that many people could be. So, Kalley Ann liked to be in the perfect position to explain something to Jody that she understood but Jody did not. True, those opportunities were rare, and usually her and Jody were just staring at each other with mutually confused looks. But, in those rare moments of clarity on a math problem that was stumping Jody, Kalley Ann’s ability to tutor her friend fed her confidence for weeks. While the subject of math may not have been Kalley Ann’s favorite and may have caused much stress at home whenever her father tried to explain what he felt were simple concepts to her, it was made slightly better by her teacher, Mr. Martin, who she adored. Like most male teachers in her experience, he was both creative, fun and funny in his lessons, which made the sting of rarely getting taught by a man ache even more. “Who wants to predict the future today?” Mr. Martin asked with a teasing tone in his voice. Hands shot up all around the classroom. Kalley Ann and Jody were too cool to get sucked in so easily by him. But, then he said, “Not just any future, but your own future?” And that did it, Kalley Ann and Jody looked at each other with excited anticipation on their faces and allowed themselves to break into full smiles and giggles as they thrust their hands in the air. “Excellent. Then let’s use good ‘ole math to predict how tall each of you will get when you are all grown up,” Mr. Martin said with mad scientist air about him, as he started passing out worksheets for them to use. A quick look at the worksheet quickly revealed that this was going to be even more fun than merely predicting the future. It was going to entail getting up from their seats and walking around the classroom. Stations had been set up, where they could measure their height and weight. Even better, those stations required a partner to correctly complete the work, which, by default, meant they could talk through this entire assignment to each other. Kalley Ann and Jody struggled to contain their pure joy as they ran to the weighing station. Jody jumped on the scale, while Kalley Ann read the instructions from the worksheet, “Ok, record your weight in pounds from the scale. Be exact, and record the number that the needle is pointing to. For example, you may weigh 77 pounds, so don’t record 75 because that is the biggest line and easiest number to read.” They both nodded seriously and looked down expectedly at Jody’s weight. The needle was just above the number 60. “60 pounds,” Jody declared with confidence. “No, no, wait, Jody,” Kalley Ann warned as she knelt down and squinted at the moving dial. “Hold still, I need to find the exact number,” she further commanded. Jody sighed, but did what she was told, and Kalley Ann saw the needle settle on a line that was still above 60. “It still looks like 60 to me from up here,” Jody informed Kalley Ann. “I know,” said Kalley Ann smugly, “but that is why you have a partner.” And, she started counting the small tick lines on the dial. “Because down here, you are actually 62 pounds.” “Cool!” said a boy's voice behind Jody. Frank was looking over Jody’s shoulder at what Kalley Ann was doing and seemed to be impressed by her thoroughness. Jody, also catching the admiration in his voice, hopped off the scale and announced, “Great! Now it’s my turn to read your weight.” They quickly switched places. But, this time, because Kalley Ann knew to be very still, the needle settled down much quicker. “Uh, seems kinda low, Kalley Ann,” Jody announced confusedly. “Do you have both feet down?” “Yes, of course I do!” retorted Kalley Ann. “Ok, ok, well then your weight is…..” Jody moved her face within inches of the dial, “49 pounds.” “Really?” Kalley Ann asked haughtily, “It looks like the line is over 50 from up here. Look again.” And, with that, Kalley Ann shifted her feet and put them in a position where she could push down on them. “Stop moving around!” Jody said frustrated. “No, you are still 49 pounds, so that is what you need to write down.” “Yeah, yeah, which means you are done, right? Can someone else go, please!” Frank injected. Kalley Ann jumped off the scale and was heading toward the height station when Jody reminded her, “Wait, Kalley Ann, we need to record our findings,” and she steered them to an empty table to write down their weights in the proper spot on the worksheet. Kalley Ann appreciated Jody’s show of intelligence in front of everyone, especially since they had only learned about “recording findings” in science last week. Once they were satisfied they had done a good job of writing their weight information on the worksheet, they headed to the height measurement station, but there was a line. They turned to head to the second height station, but there was a line there too. They sighed in frustration in unison before consulting the worksheet together. “Look," said Kalley Ann, “pointing at the bulletin board near the entrance to the class. “We are supposed to go there and check our personal data biographies we filled out at the beginning of the year. Remember? It has information on there about our birth weight, and our Mom and Dad’s heights.” As they made their way through the data collection process, Mr. Martin started calling out instructions for next steps. “When you have visited all the stations and have all your data written on the worksheet for those parts, return to your tables and fill out the rest of your worksheet on your own,” he explained. “Once each of you has your worksheet completely filled in, then start to work on doing the math to predict your future height.” Everyone looked up from what they were doing with terrified looks on their faces at his last sentence. But, as usual Mr. Martin delivered his calming smile as he explained, “I will be putting small booklets on each table that will take you step by step through each math equation you need to do to get the correct answer.” Relief washed over everyone’s faces and he added, “Just raise your hand if you have any questions.” Kalley Ann finished up at the height station, where they had been one of the last class pairs to finally have a turn. Again, her measured height came in quite a bit lower than Jody’s height. They headed back to their table and carefully added their heights to their worksheets, each looking over the other girl’s worksheet to ensure they had written it down correctly. Again, it struck Kalley Ann how much lower her height and weight were than Jody’s and that old familiar feeling of dread started in the pit of her stomach. She tried to calm herself by telling herself that her heart had nothing to do with how big she would get when she was all grown up. But, it did little to fend off that nagging feeling. Kim and Jeannie were ahead of them and had just finished filling out the rest of their worksheet. “Hurry up guys, we have to wait for you before we can try to do the math,” explained Jeannie. “Do you know how to do the math?” asked Jody accusingly. “Well, no,” said Jeanie shyly. “Well, then why don’t you take a look at the booklet and try to figure out what we need to do next while Kalley Ann and I finish up our worksheets,” she ordered Jeannie and Kim. As they scurried to reach for the booklet Mr. Martin had left on their table, Jody winked at Kalley Ann. Understanding washed over Kally Ann. As a fellow math-challenged student, Jody was sly in getting other people to do the math work for her. With the comfort of knowing that Jeannie and Kim were going to do the hardest and least fun part of the lesson, Kalley Ann turned back to her worksheet. There she discovered she had very little left to fill in. Only three questions remained and all were simple. She tried to write slowly, so that Jeannie and Kim would have more time to figure out that math part of the lesson. Current Age in years and months ___8 years 7 months ___ Your Birth Order: Oldest, youngest, somewhere in the middle. Kalley Ann circled “Oldest” How many kids in your family: __3__ Kalley Ann slowly put down her pencil and looked over at Jody, who was also obviously stalling. Kalley Ann could see all the answers on her paper were filled in, but she was still hunched over it and acting like she was working on it. But, Kim had seen Kalley Ann put her pencil down and said, “All done? We at least know the first step that we need to do.” Some of the math was easy, like adding her parent’s heights together. Some of it inspired groans from Jody and Kalley Ann, like when they had to find the average of those added heights. The real horrors occurred with the If/Then statements: If you were the first born in your family then do this math problem. That’s when the whole group work system that had propelled them so happily through class fell apart, because your friends were doing different math problems based on their birth order. Fortunately for Kalley Ann and Jody, Kim and Jeannie were not only good at math, but for some reason they liked it. They slowly took them all through the math problems; at times getting frustrated and ripping their worksheets away and doing it for them. Mr. Martin caught them doing that once, and announced to the class, “Remember, everyone should be doing their own work on their own worksheets. It is up to you in the end if you want to share your height with your friends and classmates now, or if you want them to have to wait until you are in college to find out how tall you will be,” he finished with a chuckle. Kalley Ann snickered. Of course she was going to tell her friends her future height. She told them everything. “Ok,” Kim announced, “I’ve finished mine.” “What is it?” Kalley Ann and Jody asked excitedly. But before Kim could answer…. “Wait! Wait!” Jeannie almost shouted. “Let’s all finish and then tell each other at the same time.” That’s why Kalley Ann liked Jeannie so much, she was always thinking ahead and making everything they did better. With everyone in agreement, each girl waited patiently when they were done for the others to finish. Finally, Jody declared, “DONE!” and smacked her pencil on the table. “Ok,” Jeannie began, “let’s go around and each of us say our future height…. But, not too loud. We don’t want others in the class to hear.” “Five feet, zero inches,” Kim whispered almost like it was a question. “Five feet, one inch,” Jeannie whispered with a slight tinge of pride in her voice. “Five feet, five inches,” Jody whispered, sounding a little scared. And, then all eyes were on Kalley Ann, as she whispered, “Five feet, one inch.” Jeannie burst into a huge smile, “Height twins!” she declared loudly, forgetting all thoughts of keeping their results from their fellow classmates, and she put her hand up in Kalley Ann’s direction for a high five. But, Jody started to cry a little, “Guys, mine can’t be right. I am so much taller than the rest of you.” She grabbed her worksheet and flung it at Kim, “Check my math. It must be wrong!” This was serious, and the high five evaporated in mid air. Jeannie turned her attention to the worksheet that now lay in front of Kim. They huddled and conferred and nodded everytime they agreed that something was correct. After a few minutes, Kim announced, “It’s good, Jody. It’s right. I think you are just going to be tall.” “Really? It can’t be. That’s like four inches taller than everyone else!” said Jody, sounding terrified. “We can ask Mr. Martin to check it, if you…” started Kalley Ann. “Absolutely not!” whispered Jody in terror. “I don’t want everyone to know I am the only one having problems with this stupid worksheet. I will just wait until I’m all grown up to know. I mean it’s only a couple years away, so it’s not like I have to wait that long.” They all nodded in agreement and whispered, “True, true” to let her know her reasoning was sound. And, to make sure they understood the real issue, Jody went on to emphasize, “Which means you can’t tell anybody what height I got. Okay?!” They all quickly nodded back at her. “Seriously, no one!” Jody said between gritted teeth, “Not even your families. The last thing I want is Jeannie or Kalley Ann’s little sisters to have big mouths and tell everyone I am going to be a giant when I grow up.” Kalley Ann’s arm went around Jody in comfort and Kim scooched her chair closer to Jody as she folded Jody’s worksheet into fours and slyly handed it to her under the table. Jody grabbed the paper, crushed it in her hand into a ball and shoved it in her jeans pocket, while nodding thanks to Kim. And then all three looked at Jody with sympathetic eyes until class was dismissed. Kalley Ann wondered if Jody hated the pity in their eyes as much as she did when people looked at her that way. But, if Kalley Ann was honest, this swapping of places with Jody felt good. For once no one was trying to comfort Kalley Ann, because she physically fit right in with her friends. No, this time it was someone else who was worried that everyone knew something was wrong with them. Worksheet Stations:
Current age in years and months: Are you the first born, last born, or somewhere in the middle?: How many kids are in your family?:
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Most kids loved Fridays. Last day of the week. The weekend begins within hours, and exciting plans of sleeping in and playing with their friends for two days are made. Add to that they had gym class on Fridays, and her fellow ten-year olds could barely contain themselves.
Of course, that is how her classmates felt. But, not Kalley Ann. For her, gym was not 50 minutes of running around, getting to be loud and working off tons of energy. It was not a time to impress friends and enemies with how good she was at everything. Unlike others, she had no muscles to show off; she was never going to win a race or probably any sports contest. And, she certainly wasn’t going to be able to goof around or chat while simultaneously climbing a rope or running after a ball or even doing something as simple as jumping rope. Her loud gasping for air between purple lips usually resulted in her classmates picking her last for teams and generally avoiding being too close to her in gym class. So, as Kalley Ann walked along the hall with her class towards the school gym, she found herself fantasizing about what she hoped the class would be. Were they too old to have a good ‘ole fashioned “parachute” class? She used to love doing that in kindergarten, when the teacher gave the class a huge parachute and they would make it move working all together. The best was when they would throw the parachute into the air and then scatter under it, so they felt like they were living in a colorful, beautiful bubble with all their favorite people. Yes! Maybe that would be the gym class today. Or maybe they would get to practice for some of the Field Day events. Not all of them, of course. But the balloon toss was one that Kalley Ann was pretty good at. She always signed up for the limbo contest too. Not that she was particularly flexible, but she was small, so she could get lower than most. And, yeah, a class of balloon toss and limbo would be perfect. Maybe the teacher would think so too? But she knew before she even stepped foot in the gym that her dream gym class would not come true, as she watched the boys in her class start jumping up and down when they saw something set up in the gym. Kalley Ann’s eyes dropped to the floor. She took a deep breath to give her the energy to propel her feet through the gym door. Her feeling of dread immediately turned into terror, as she saw what the boys were so happily celebrating. The basketball hoops on either end of the gym had been lowered, and small racks of basketballs had been rolled out to the sidelines of the court. The boys had already darted toward them and were gleefully bouncing the balls and trying to hoist them into the nets. Meanwhile, Kalley Ann’s brain was in full calculation mode. With the exception of the mile run test at the end of the school year, she could not think of another gym class activity that required more running. With her eyes glued to the floor, the increasingly loud and excited chatter of her classmates crashed over her like a wave. Once again, she had that strange feeling like she was on an island and the kids her age were far away from her, and she neither would nor could ever reach them. And, then one voice rose to the top: Peter McGowan. “No, no, listen Chris!” Peter exclaimed excitedly to his friend Chris White, “With you and me on this team, we can beat any team no matter who else is on our team!” He continued with a small hesitant pause, “Well, I mean as long as we can avoid having to pick Kalley Ann.” Kalley Ann’s head whipped up upon hearing her name. And, she squared her shoulders. Her brain, which only moments ago had been in the familiar place of trying to work out how to protect her heart, abandoned all thought of heart valves or lack of oxygen. Instead, it began to work out how she was going to dominate on the court. She mused that surely watching professional basketball games with her mom on TV gave her some kind of skills. And, within seconds, she was imagining how many points she would be able to score in the next 45 minutes. As long as it was more than Peter scored, she decided, that would be all that mattered. The chose-up worked out how both Kalley Ann and Peter had hoped, and she ended up on the team playing against him and Chris. She also was happy that there were a couple of the nicer students in her class on her team, which meant beating Peter and Chris would be that much more enjoyable. One of those nicer girls was Terri, who patted the bench in a signal for Kalley Ann to sit down next to her. As Kalley Ann settled in next to Terri, she whispered, “Welp, it’s basketball. So, you know what that means…. none of the boys are going to let us play.” And, with that proclamation, she sent her eyeballs pointing to the sky. “Oh, I’m playing!” Kalley Ann announced emphatically. “Really?” Terri sounded incredulous. “I thought for sure we’d be bench partners, and we could sit here and make fun of these dorky boys.” “Nope,” Kalley Ann said a little louder than the whisper they had been speaking at. “I want to help rub the stuck-up smiles off Peter and Chris’s faces.” And, at the same moment Mr. Gorman, the gym teacher, stood in front of the bench of squirming kids, “Okay, we are going to play short scrimmages, with the two teams changing players as soon as one of the teams playing scores ten or more points. Who are the first five playing for this team?” Kalley Ann’s hand shot into the air, and a half a second later a couple of the boys on the team groaned. Mr. Gorman’s eyebrows shot up like he was surprised, and then he smiled and said, “Ok, let’s get Kelly, Kalley Ann, Jimmy, Frank and Kevin out on the floor.” Kalley sprinted onto the floor and went right for the center of the court. But, before she had a chance to turn and give the death stare to Peter and Chris, Frank blasted out her name and followed it with the angry sounding instructions, “You’re definitely too short to be a center. Play in the back and be defense.” Kalley Ann sighed and her shoulders slumped, but she did as she was told. The game started slowly. Even the boys who believed themselves to be NBA-level players, dribbled timidly, so were forced to walk the ball forward. Now, this was a pace that Kalley Ann could manage. Her team moved into scoring position, but of course none of the boys passed it to her. Instead Kevin threw the ball toward the net and hit the rim. Chris quickly retrieved the ball and passed it to Peter. Peter was able to run and dribble simultaneously. Frank again bellowed out instructions, “RUN!” and Kalley Ann’s whole team started running after Peter. None caught him, but fortunately, he missed his shot. And then both teams turned and started running in the other direction, as her team suddenly learned that Jimmy had the skills to dribble and run at the same time too. And, so the enjoyable pace of the game disappeared. Before Kalley Ann knew it, she had run up and down the court four times and not touched the ball. Her gasping had started in earnest, and she tried not to think about the color of her lips. However, a quick glance at her purple fingernails easily answered that unasked question. “You, good, Kalley Ann?” Mr. Gorman asked, concerned as she slowly ran by. Not able to run and talk if she hoped to conserve what little oxygen she had, she gave him a thumbs up and flashed him a weak smile. Frank finally scored for their team, but Chris had scored twice for the other team. No boy was passing the ball to either her or Kelly, so they were just chasing after whichever boy was dribbling and running. Kalley Ann knew she was fading fast. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest and hear it in her ears. She was full on, loudly mouth breathing trying desperately to give her body more oxygen. “I just need a minute to catch my breath,” she kept shouting in her head. But there was no break. Until…. Sarah, on the other team - tired of the boys not passing her the ball - stole it away from her own team and then accidentally kicked it out of the court when she tried to dribble and run. All of the boys’ hands went up in the air in frustration. Everyone stopped while Mr. Gorman ran to retrieve the ball. “FINALLY!” thought Kalley Ann. She squatted down trying to slow her heart and steady her breathing. The needed rest was lengthened by a few more seconds, as Mr. Gorman warned the boys on both teams, “You need to include the girls on your team and pass to them too.” It was a futile statement, but one that Kalley Ann appreciated for the extra time she had to try to bring her heart rate down a few beats. Plus, a needed lecture if she was ever going to have a hope of scoring a basket this game. “Fine. Are you coming?” Kevin asked loudly looking down at Kalley Ann, while simultaneously looking at Mr. Gorman with a “see why we don’t pass to them” look, displaying immediately that Mr. Gorman’s plea had fallen on deaf ears. She nodded, stood up slowly and walked back toward the center of the court, where Mr. Gorman had returned with the ball, ready for another tip off. “You okay, Kalley Ann?” Mr. Gorman asked with concern. “We can sub someone in, if you need to rest for a few minutes.” “No,” she answered breathlessly. “I’m fine, Mr. Gorman.” And, she tried to ignore the other kids shaking their heads at her, apparently disbelieving her claim. “Okay,” Mr. Gorman replied skeptically but with a kind smile before putting the whistle in his mouth and throwing the ball up for a jump ball. And, then it was off to the races again. Kalley Ann tried to make adjustments. She walked a few times, figuring they didn’t really need her to rush down there. Another time, she didn’t go down at all when it was her team’s turn to shoot the ball. She rationalized that Frank had told her she was defense, so she should stay at the defensive end of the court. But when Frank scolded her for it by asking, “Are you playing or what?” she found herself running down to the other end the next time the ball went in the other direction. But she knew it was futile. Her heart was going so fast now, she thought it might actually burst. It was hopeless to try to slow it down. Her breathing hurt in her chest. And with the combination of open mouth breathing and having no energy to swallow, she started to drool. She tried to wipe her mouth, but did not have the energy to move her arm. And, then suddenly her body just said NO. And before she knew what was happening her whole body fell to the floor. And there she lay. Finally at peace; able to rest. That was when all the activity really started. Kalley Ann had only enjoyed the cool wood floor for mere seconds when the noise of the gym teacher’s whistle sounded loudly on the other side of the court and a bunch of kids began calling her name. The whistle stopped and Mr. Gorman yelled to no one in particular, “Go get the nurse…. NOW!” Kalley Ann tried to raise her arm to wave them off and let them know all was fine. She was already feeling a bit better just by not having to run any more, but she still didn’t have the energy to raise either arm. Instead, kids started standing around her and looking at her with confusion. Mr. Gorman tried to clear them away, barking at them “Stand back! Give her some room to breathe,” before he knelt down next to her. “Kalley Ann, honey, is it your heart? Can you talk?” he asked, sounding alarmed. Kalley managed a small nod, but felt so weak, she couldn’t manage much else. Mr. Gorman picked up her wrist and held it between two fingers. The kids were all around buzzing with conversation, but he seemed to not notice them at all, glancing quickly at his watch and then staring off into space. He seemed to be concentrating on something, but Kalley Ann was confused about what. Suddenly, he snapped back to his surroundings and barked at Kalley Ann’s classmates, “Who went to get the nurse?” “Terri did,” offered a girl’s voice. “Okay. Hmm, let’s see,” Mr. Gorman said, looking around at Kalley Ann’s classmates as he seemed to be making some sort of silent assessment. “Jimmy, you’re fast. Run down to the nurse and make sure that Terri was able to find her.” “Ok,” Jimmy beamed at the complement of being fast. And, as if to prove Mr. Gorman right, he seemed to burn rubber with his sneakers as he took off running. Having a teacher’s permission to run through the hallways was most likely a lifelong dream for Jimmy. “And tell her it’s an emergency!” Mr. Gorman shouted after him. Just then, Kalley Ann mustered the energy to move her arm and wipe her mouth. She started coughing, and suddenly did not want to be lying down anymore. Unfortunately, she could already tell she did not have enough energy to stand up. So she simply lifted her head. “Kalley Ann, honey. You okay? Feeling better? Do you think you can sit up?” Mr. Gorman asked tentatively. Kalley Ann managed a simple nod. “Okay, I gotcha, sweetie,” Mr. Gorman said as he placed a hand on her back and helped her into a sitting position. With his arm around her, he supported her in a sitting position, and it was then that Kalley Ann realized how much effort it was taking to hold her head up. “Kelly, do you think you can bring one of those chairs over here?” Mr. Gorman said pointing to the sideline chairs kids had been sitting in while they waited for their turn to play. Kalley Ann could see the look of surprise on Kelly’s face when asked to do such an important task, and how it instantly became serious as she ran to grab a chair. Her athletic legs got her there quickly, but the size and heft of the chair forced her to awkwardly walk the chair toward Kalley Ann slowly. “Okay, Chris, Frank and Peter, come help me get Kalley Ann into the chair,” instructed Mr. Gorman. “Oh, No!” thought Kalley Ann, “Not those three. Could this really get any more humiliating?!” But, the humiliation also served as motivation. Kalley Ann took a deep breath and mustered up her slowly increasing energy to push herself up, making it unnecessary for all three boys to help. And, so, with her determination and Mr. Gorman and Peter’s help, she traveled the one and a half feet up to the chair seat. Now able to sit on her own, Kalley Ann could concentrate on her breathing more clearly. As she began employing the “in through the mouth, slowly out through the nose” method her registered nurse aunt had taught her. The crowd that had formed around her also came into focus, and she began working out how she was going to shrug this off to her peers and keep some dignity. Just then, the nurse ran into the gym. “Ambulance is on the way!” she screeched at the class huddled around Kalley Ann. She was running in a penguin style, probably due to the combination of her large size and the bad knees she was always complaining about. But, the sight of it made Kalley Ann smile, as it seemed almost comical to watch this funny looking person dressed in all-white scrubs struggling to get her stethoscope into her ears. Kalley Ann began to protest with a weak, “I’m fine…..” when the nurse knelt down in front of her and commanded, “Shhhh!” and slid the stethoscope under Kalley Ann’s shirt. Everyone got really quiet as if waiting for a bomb to go off. Kalley Ann joined them as she succumbed to the cold metal on her chest. But, then something strange happened, the nurse started jerking the head of the stethoscope around in no particular pattern on Kalley Ann’s chest and for no particular amount of time on each spot. What was she doing?! Kalley Ann had hundreds - if not thousands - of stethoscopes on her chest over the years, and it had never felt like this. Kalley Ann was just about to ask the nurse if she was okay, when the gym door burst open once again. In ran two large men in uniform with medical bags in their hands and urgency stamped on their faces. Kalley Ann’s head fell in frustration, as she realized she now officially was not going to get out of this situation with any dignity. The adults misunderstood her head's downward movement, and both lunged toward her, exclaiming “Kalley Ann!” in unison. “What happened?” the first paramedic asked the nurse. Mr. Gorman and the nurse answered at the same time: “We were playing basketball and she just went down on the court,” explained Mr. Gorman. While the nurse answered, “She has a cardiac condition, I was just trying to listen to her heart,” as she held up her stethoscope with pride. Then the nurse quickly added, “Oh, I forgot. She has a medical bracelet that will tell you the name of her condition,” and she bent down to touch the silver bracelet that never left Kalley Ann’s wrist. “Okay, thanks,” the paramedic said with a kind smile. “We’ll take it from here. Has anyone called her parents?” “They are on their way,” reported the nurse seriously. “Okay, well then let’s clear out this area so we can work and have them escorted here as soon as they arrive,” he said with authority. As the kids reluctantly retreated, Kalley Ann’s tears started to flow. She suddenly just wanted to go home and sleep. The physical exhaustion was passing more quickly now, but the knowledge of the huge effort facing her from the onslaught of classmates’ questions was overwhelming. She needed to convince all the adults that home is where she should be; a stint in bed was the medicine she most wanted now. Kalley Ann took another deep breath in, and readied herself for one more scrimmage today; this time with adults and the goal of spending the remainder of her day in bed. The water was cold. This was not only confirmed by the loss of feeling in Kalley Ann’s toes, but also in the solid purple color of her toenails. Kalley Ann was completely focused on how to overcome the icy temperature and move farther into the water when she heard a soft voice.
“You get cold like me.” Kalley Ann turned her head and jumped at the unexpected closeness of the owner of the voice. Standing only a couple feet away was a blond-haried boy, with big blue eyes, lots of freckles, and straight hair that jutted out in a hundred different directions like he had just woken up. He seemed to be about her age. She was confused by his statement but decided to talk to him, “What do you mean? The water is cold to everyone. Everyone gets cold when they first go in.” “Nah, their whole bodies don’t turn purple like us,” he declared. Kalley Ann looked down at her own body and saw the familiar bluish hue of her legs. She was always surprised when someone remarked about her color, as she was usually quite blind to it and maybe even secretly liked the way it made her look. Exotic even. At least that is the word her father had used to describe some pretty, dark-skinned models in a commercial they saw on t.v. the other night. Taking a closer look at this odd boy, she realized he was right. He too glowed a bluish purple hue; perhaps even more so than she, considering his fair complexion. His lips in particular stood out to her as the most purply thing she’d ever seen, sandwiched between very white skin and very white teeth. This discovery of having a purple partner made her happier than she might have expected. “Cool. But, how come you are purple?” Kalley Ann inquired. “I have a heart problem, so I have a lot of blue blood in my body,” she offered as her own explanation. “Me too!” the boy spoke excitedly. “My heart has so many holes in it, the blood just escapes out to the body without turning red first.” “So, it’s just squirting around your body? Your heart has no control?” “Yeah, something like that.” He looked down and gave an embarrassed shrug. “Oh, uh, cool,” Kalley Ann shrugged. Sensing that he was uncomfortable with something she had said, she added, “I like being purply blue more than pinky red. It makes me look tougher.” “Yup, Yup! And my doctors tell me I’m tough all the time. I try to remind my parents and friends of that, but they don’t get it.” He sounded relieved that Kalley Ann seemed to be as smart as his doctors. “Parents are the worst at getting it. And, I don’t understand it. They're sitting right next to me when the doctor’s tell them how impressed they are with how well I am doing.” Kalley Ann added drama to her statement with a well-timed eye roll. The boy turned and looked over his shoulder, “Is that your Mom sitting under that tree?” “Yup,” Kalley Ann glanced back at her Mom, “she doesn’t like the sun.” “That’s my mom talking to her.” “Wanna bet they are talking about us?” Kalley Ann asked with another punctuating eyeroll. It truly was her signature move. “Definitely. Their lives are so boring without us.” They both laughed at his clever observation. As if on cue, Kalley Ann’s mom suddenly waved to her and yelled, “Kalley Ann, let’s get going. We need to get home for some lunch and your brother needs a nap.” Kalley Ann sighed. Her eyes went down-cast and her shoulders slumped. “Everytime I finally start to have fun, we have to leave,” she said in her best, irritated voice. She started slowly walking up the beach toward her mom. To her surprise, the boy walked next to her without saying anything. They reached the shade of the tree together in silence, as the boy’s mother said with a big inviting smile, “Tommy, I see you met Kalley Ann!” “Uh, yeah,” he paused awkwardly, “Kalley Ann.” Kalley Ann realized she had heard his name for the first time too and chimed in, “Yeah, me and Tommy were having fun!” looking directly at her mother. “Why do we have to leave?” she added with obvious frustration at the situation. “Don’t start Kalley Ann. You didn’t even get in the water,” her mother said to shut down any future debate on the subject. “But, I was going to,” countered Kalley Ann. “Tommy and I were just chatting before we got in and started swimming.” “Well, you'll definitely get to swim when we come back in a couple days,” her mom promised. To Tommy’s mom she explained, “We start swimming lessons on Wednesday.” “Swimming lessons?!” Kalley Ann yelled, sounding almost frightened. “Why do I have to take lessons? I hate swimming; it’s very hard to breathe." “Right! I think so too. Very hard to breath,” Tommy concurred. “See, Mom! We already have so much in common! We would probably have a great time in the water if we didn’t have to leave!” Kalley Ann insisted with the expectation that it would somehow change their plans to leave. Her mother was saved by Tommy’s mother, “Hey, that’s something for both of you to look forward to. Tommy is also starting swimming lessons on Wednesday, so the two of you can learn how to breathe in the water together.” She winked at Kalley Ann’s mother, which was quickly punctuated with both of them laughing. Kalley Ann and Tommy’s mouths were still hanging open, because they did not understand what was so funny. Kalley Ann’s mother stopped laughing long enough to say, “Until Wednesday then…. It was nice to meet you Tommy and Mrs. Smalls.” Kalley Ann turned her head and realized her mother had packed up all their stuff and was handing towels for her brother and sister to carry back to the car. Kalley Ann picked up the cooler to help. But, then in protest of having to leave before she wanted, she began walking excruciatingly slowly behind her mother and siblings to the car. “Say good-bye to your new friend and pick up the pace, Kalley Ann,” her mother directed, raising her voice for the first time. Simultaneously, Tommy chirped, “Bye, Kalley Ann,” and he added a little wave. Kalley Ann shot him an unhappy smile and a half-hearted nod good-bye. Secretly she was excited she had a new friend to look forward to seeing in a couple days. Maybe this summer - and the dreaded swimming lessons that would come with it - would be pretty good after all. It will happen like this
The lack of oxygen will persist Slow suffocation is most likely But other dangers could end it dramatically There is, of course, enlargement Ribs have limited containment Bigger, in this case, is not better And bones do tend to shatter That visual is not pleasant, it’s true But it is our job to prepare you Your situation is precarious, you should know The problem goes far beyond how your blood should flow The body’s electrical current is rarely thought about But, in your case, it stands paramount Your brain’s job is to evaluate and fix But your heart serves it up some tricks Don’t get me wrong, your brain is smart But it's almost impossible to understand your heart All are aware the main engine is in a trouble But its many issues can be subtle Think of your brain like Zeus With your heart being his muse When called to battle, Zeus rains down the power of his bolt With that much electricity, the heart cannot cope The impact is quick The heart rate goes supersonic The head gets light Oxygen in the blood becomes slight How to stop it, you may ask Whatever you do, it must be fast None on our list always work And the problem will continue to lurk This is how it will be One of these three That is the end for which you should plan We know there is no other way it can For when your cause of death is prescribed Death by something else is the prize The room was cold. It was always cold. No matter what time of the year or day I came or what I wore, the gray sanitized steel was always frigid. My legs dangled from the top of the cold table and my hands, invisible as they hid inside the sleeve of my sweatshirt, gripped the side of the same table. The quiet in the room made me wonder once again if this is what it was like in outer space. Not just quiet, but ears straining to hear something - anything - and being met by utter nothingness.
I always hated this handful of minutes, when I was completely alone. Sometimes my energy could not be contained, and I hopped off the table and moved around a bit. Maybe I sang a tune and danced a little. One time I practiced a cheer my friend had told me she saw the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders do. And sometimes I just skipped. Today, I had decided to be “grownup” and just wait quietly. I assumed this is what adults do when they are waiting for something to happen that they are not looking forward to. Without warning, the heavy door swung open loudly. No knock. Adults never felt they needed to knock to warn a child of their impending arrival. It was a nurse, of course. A woman too, of course. I mused again how someone of power somewhere must have decided that women were the best option for administering these tests. There was probably an assumption that a) the tests did not require a lot of skill and b) women were gentler by nature. Oh, how I wished that powerful person had to take this test just once. They would see that there is critical skill in the placement of the suction cups. One time, I had to “lie still” for an hour while a nurse struggled to get them where they needed to be for an accurate test. She must have performed that test on me 10 or 12 times. I had to do a lot of skipping after that test to get all my pent up energy out. As for being gentle, there was probably a bit more truth in that, especially if the nurse was old enough to have children of her own. But I had had the unfortunate experience on a couple of occasions with nurses who seemed to have no concern about how hard they were pushing down on my chest, or how their sloppy gel application was getting in my hair, nor did they care about the painful red circles they were leaving on my skin. And, then there was the time when one strangled me with one of the machine’s wires. She accidentally looped it around my neck! With no parents in the room – they always took test time to have super-secret conversations with the doctor about stuff they didn’t want to say in front of me – I really was left to fend these nurses off by myself. Most of the time, I handled it well on my own. But I will admit to tattling to my parents on the ride home about the one who almost strangled me to death. I breathed a sigh of relief when she drew closer. I could see she was old. There was hope I would survive this time unscathed. She smiled at me and said, “Hello there! Aren’t you a pretty thing. I'm sure I don’t need to tell you about this test. I’ve heard you’ve done plenty of these.” I already liked her. As a kid, you rarely got recognized for being an expert in anything. But this was one area where I felt like I knew just as much as the adults and maybe more. “Yup. I can do these in my sleep,” I declared with what I hoped was a grown up air of confidence. “Well, don’t fall asleep on me, now” she said laughing and giving me a small wink. “Assume the position. Shirt off, head on the pillow, feet up on the table.” I followed her instructions almost as quickly as she said them. She let me settle in while she folded my sweatshirt and gently put it on a chair across the room. What went unsaid in the instructions was the need to lie rigid on the table. Legs stretched out, arms by my side, not bent and wrists turned to the sky. I quickly found my spot on the ceiling and tried to identify my first shape. This was a game I had invented years ago when I discovered how interesting those office ceiling tiles could be. They often had little dots and were discolored in unexpected ways. It made for a fun game of shape exploration. Not as cool as finding shapes in clouds, but way better than lying on the table with nothing to do. “Okay, you ready?” the nurse asked in an excited voice. As I turned my head to look over at her struggling to untangle the wires on the cart, I thought, “More ready than you are!” But, instead I simply replied, “Yup” with a forced smile. Turning back to the ceiling, I had already identified three cool shapes - a beach ball, a diamond ring and something I had decided was a rabbit, even if it didn’t really have a nose - when she said, “Ok, you know this gunk is gonna be a little cold,” and then the pfft sound came as she squeezed the tube and the thick white cream formed a little puddle on the left side of my chest. I turned up my nose in disgust, but made not a sound, trying to concentrate on finding shapes over my head. She was good. I was able to “check out” while she made all the puddles, and before I knew it I felt the first squeeze of the suction cup. Again, I was ripped away from the ceiling, as the little red, concave balloons were placed around my chest, ankles and wrists. When the nurse squeezed them with two fingers, they indented on each side of the balloon and the metal circle attached at the bottom of the balloon would use the air from the balloon to grab onto my skin. They always made me smile a little. They looked absurd standing at attention in all these strange places on my body. If they didn’t pinch and I wouldn’t get yelled at for touching them, they would probably be a fun toy to play with. I admired her handy work, as she put one on each cream puddle. No pain I thought with relief. I was free to return to looking at the ceiling for the rest of the test. The wires and the strange lines that the machine drew onto long strips of paper were not interesting after you had seen them once. Plus, my lack of interest truly made her job easier. The less she and I talked the faster the test went. She seemed to sense my interest and hope for a quick test and dispensed with the usual cookie-cutter questions about how old I was, what year I was in school, what my favorite subject was and if I had any extra-curricular activities. There would be tests in the not-too-distant future where I would relish the chance to brag about myself a little. But that was not today, nor did I think there was anything to brag about. The whole test lastest only about 10-15 minutes. It yielded 12 ceiling shapes (although, if I'm completely honest, 5 or 6 of those required some serious work on the part of my imagination) and one long strip of paper, which proved I was still alive and my heart was still beating. |
Who Is Kalley Ann?
Join Kalley Ann in her adventures as a child born with a broken heart, literally. Her ever-important organ is littered with issues. But as it continues to beat on, year after year, countless doctors, experts and pretty much everyone are amazed that it is able to beat at all. Everyone is surprised, that is, but Kalley Ann. Archives
February 2024
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